Sunday, 13 July 2014
Letter to Fans
Hi everyone, many of you may be asking yourself 'where the heck is this guy? is he dead? we haven't known of him in years', well this letter will dissipate some of these questions, or that's the intention of this post. Well, I said this before but it's necessary to highlight it so we are clear and realistic: I FAILED
Does this mean that FORTUNA Quest is over? Not at all! I'll keep doing this. I'll make my 429 recording no matter what. Next I'll explain to you what happened in this months, my considerations about it and what it will be next.
First of all I wanna apologise to all of you. Some of you had so many expectations placed on me, others thought that I was crazy (obviously there are some insights to think in this way). I've seen my life separating from the project lately and it were wandering to the back of my brain little by little. I was in bad physical and and mental shape, things were happening and the whole just got me overwhelmed in many ways.
Everything started when I moved back to Spain, that was a hard beat in my lifestyle, everything changed: living with my family (they let me make noise but I don't feel comfortable making my silly songs and screaming here, that would make me step on the brake sometimes that I should be recording), living far from city, having to restart my life (contacts, jobs, routine...), not feeling the artistic vibe of London (this did a massive impact on me), the breaking up with my girlfriend, etc... I was failing over and over again since this happened and, even when not all my songs were made on time, I was able to finish my 365 song on the first year. That was a great accomplishment for me certainly and felt like I was a winner, but I started the new year very tired and not as motivated as I was meant to be. In this year I started very soon to fail. I got the help of Nacho who would make my covers and that was cool but something was unhappy inside of me, not very obvious, not a big deal, but that lack of motivation was there pushing in the opposite way. I soon realized that my songs' expectations were too high now and I freezed when I had to start a new song, a lot of resistance was occurring every time I started a song and for me was very difficult to improve the songs from one day to another. I thought this would improve letting time pass, and this never happened, the workflow was very tedious, and this always after of the big inner battle of what should I make the song about. I also felt like my ideas were all gone after squeezing my brain so hard last year. This thought were bombing my brain with evil information too. It was in this time when I received the call of a friend purposing me to make the music of his documentary. He would need 5 orchestral themes and one country-pop one (I posted an attempt and a faulty orchestral ones and the country one), from this moment I started to get within a new world in the music field. Digital scoring and orchestration were needed in order to make this to work, I were working hard on these, asking everyone how to do it, reading, I booked for orchestration lessons. At this point a got stuck so many time, feeling David fighting against Goliath, but this David would hide from fighting so many expecting Goliath realise that he wanted to be his friend and would ask him to coexist in perfect harmony. It wasn't really working. Weeks and weeks were passing and I was still stuck in this within battle. There's a love story in between this story, I don't want to tell about this but hard situations happened and magic ones too, my love came to visit me from far for 10 days and I stop doing any activity too (this was the magic situation (: ), anyway, I was not advancing, so for 10 days the things wouldn't change much. All this were my thought, but in the background something stunk. I didn't stop thinking of FORTUNA Quest a single day I knew I had a problem although I wasn't doing anything to change it. And I've been working in ideas up to develop and record.
The solution came from within me, How? A bunch of factors: the departure of my new girlfriend to her country which made me feel like 'and now what?', the visit to a physiotherapist who changed drastically my diet and made me workout to be in shape, which somehow made my brain feel emptier and clearer, the need of ending something that I spend so much time and effort doing which definitely have given me so much new knowledge, new skills, new musicality, etc. The willing of self-improvement, the feeling-like-a-fool fact and many other things made me feel again motivated to end what I said I would do with a plan under my arm. It's not very detailed but basically I will just chill with music, not push myself so much and do whatever I feel like doing. Not everything has to be super cool. I'm allowed to do crap, after all this is a personal project where I'm supposed to learn and take note of all the events, not only musically but psychologically, physically, philosophically, etc. I know much more of myself now, my limitations, how to stand up from a failure and so many things that I thought were impossible to learn. I feel much more musical all of a sudden, I learned a lot about orchestration too, and working on learning a lot of it. I listen to the music much better, I feel better the groove of the songs, I can recognize more instruments, more effects in the mix, I'm more open to music and it hits me in a deeper emotional level now. So my decision is: let's finish learn more, I have a backlog of 17 songs now, which is a really big and scary number, but I have my orchestral songs up to be finished, some ideas to develop and time enough to make all the songs (didn't I recorded 365 in last year?).
Said all this, I want to thank everyone that follows me and invite them to keep doing it because I feel great now and I think I'm up to do very cool stuff. See you around fellas. Love you!